I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
