went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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