The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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