I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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