In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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