You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
