this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
