i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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