Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
