I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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