Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
