I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
