dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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