hell yes lets make some ravioli
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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