if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
