at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
MIDGETS
????
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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