I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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