Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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