Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
