you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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