Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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