I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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