is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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