two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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