This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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