She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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