hell yes lets make some ravioli
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
