Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
