It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
