I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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