tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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