Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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