The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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