I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
