i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
two words...techno handjob
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
