3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
worst night to have a conscience
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
