I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
