You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
