that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
