I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
