There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
