Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
