i already hear my dad disowning me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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