remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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