all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
