we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
