Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
