Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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