I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like death gave me a hand job
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
