Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its liver damage thursday
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
