A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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