I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
