I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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