So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my vagina is haunted
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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