There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize