i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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