Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
